


Who Wins? Tony Stark vs. One (1) Oily Boy!

by kitty_pryde_bi_pride



Series: spider tendencies [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Irondad, M/M, Peter Parker Acts Like a Spider, Peter Parker is a Mess, Spider Shenanigans, harley keener has chaos energy, peter's doing his best, spider facts!, tony is too old to deal with this shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:00:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29025381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty_pryde_bi_pride/pseuds/kitty_pryde_bi_pride
Summary: Spiders bodies have an oily substance that prevents them from getting trapped in their own web.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: spider tendencies [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859734
Comments: 11
Kudos: 393
Collections: Marvel Stories





	Who Wins? Tony Stark vs. One (1) Oily Boy!

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy !! spider facts
> 
> have a fancy free day and hmu if you have more spider facts!

Life within Stark Tower should’ve been simple: Tony had billions of dollars at his disposal, a beautiful wife he cherished immensely, access to the best technology and labs in the entire country.

If only it wasn’t for his houseguests.

He loved his fellow superheroes, for sure – how could one not love meeting their childhood hero in Captain America, the coolest and most terrifying person ever in the Black Widow, a fellow science bro with crazy powers in Hulk – but it could be a little draining at times.

And after all, this was his tower! He _deserved_ respect, not to be kicked out of the kitchen or his favorite spot during movie nights- Tony would be lying if he said it didn’t make him more than a little frustrated sometimes.

But Friday afternoons made up for it in spades: strategically scheduled for the end of the week to give him something to look forward to outside of draining meetings and exhausting battles, it was his and Peter’s kick-off to the kid’s weekend stays at the tower. Every Friday night, the other Avengers knew to steer clear of the labs and entertainment areas, as Tony and Peter would hole up and alternate between impressive science work and lazy time in front the television.

This weekend was going to be special, too. Tony had arranged for his other teenaged protégé – it makes him sound like Batman, taking in all these teens to mentor – to fly up to New York for a few days, and he’s got plans to make it the best few days of these kid’s lives.

Harley and Peter were sure to get along great; they’re both incredibly smart for as young as they are, and Harley’s focus on mechanics and engineering – just like Tony himself, he’d like to think his landing in the kid’s garage was a formative moment for his interests – should complement Peter’s own skill in chemistry and biology well.

He’s more than a little excited to see what the two of them together cook up. It’s moments like these that makes being a superhero and mentor feel entirely worthwhile.

The two of them know each other vaguely, Tony introduced them about a year back by exchanging their phone numbers and telling them they should talk, but they’ve never met in person- Peter doesn’t even know Harley’s scheduled to visit yet.

He decides that the two of them will surprise Peter, riding with Happy for the kid’s usual Friday after-school limo to the tower. The school’s a bit busier than he’d expected, so thank goodness for tinted windows- Tony Stark visiting anywhere always causes a bit more of a stir than he’s in the mood to deal with right now.

They’ve been sitting and waiting for about fifteen minutes and Tony’s time is worth literal tons of money, and- “Hey Happy, didn’t this kid’s school get out like ten minutes ago?”

His driver glances back at him and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but it’s Friday. He’s normally running a little late.”

Tony huffs and crosses his arms. “Well, we’re going to be late picking Kid Two up from the airport, so I’d suggest he get a move on if he knows what’s good for him.”

“You’re the one who decided to surprise him at school,” Happy grumbles, but otherwise wisely stays silent while they continue waiting.

Tony waits patiently for thirty more seconds, then throws open the door and ventures into the now mostly emptied entrance to Peter’s school before Happy can stop him. He hears the few groups hanging around hush as he passes, and he belatedly reminds himself this is Midtown Tech- a school that’s almost certainly filled with students at least a little obsessed with him.

(If he walks with a little more swagger, it’s nobody’s business but his own- and he’ll never admit to it regardless.)

He grabs the first anxious looking loner and asks where Peter Parker is – the kid drops his bookbag and grasps at his locker for support, pointing nervously towards an open classroom Tony can faintly hear voices coming out of – and so he struts down the hallway with all the confidence of a very, very annoyed billionaire.

“Peter, what on _earth_ could be taking you so long-” Tony stops talking as he processes the group of people in the room, then sighs and reorients himself. “Ah, Harley, I see you’ve arrived.”

Harley throws him a shit-eating grin and shrugs. “All this work to set up a visit, and you didn’t even check my plane ticket.” Peter snickers quietly, and Tony glares at him, hit with a sudden sense of betrayal.

“I wasn’t exactly expecting you to lie about your plans this weekend, especially since I’m the one paying for everything.”

Harley just rolls his eyes – Tony gets no respect around here, _seriously_ – and throws his arm around Peter, dragging the younger boy out the door; forcing Tony to stalk behind them in an effort to catch up. He stares at them – slowly noting how close they’re walking, how familiar they both seem – and thinks hey, maybe he’s missing something here.

They make their way to the limo and Tony settles in for an awkward ride, trapped in the back with these two who somehow became friends without Tony noticing, listening to them talk quietly and exclude him from the conversation entirely.

The limo pulls up to Stark Tower and Tony extricates himself from the limo petulantly, not checking to make sure they’re behind him as he stalks through the lobby and steps into the elevator. He hears a muffled argument behind him – he studiously ignores what’s being said – then watches Peter get into the elevator with him.

“Uh, Mr. Stark?” Peter says tentatively, once the elevator doors closed and they start going up. “I wanted to, uh, apologize for back at school? I didn’t realize it’d be you waiting, and Happy knows I run a little late on Fridays talking to my friends, and I kind of assumed you knew Harley was already there-”

Tony sighs – staying mad at Peter is like staying mad at a dog, it’s just too cruel and never worth it in the end – and relents. “Don’t worry about it, kid, really.”

“Oh, that’s fantastic, Mr. Stark, I really appreciate-”

“How’s the kid getting up here, anyways?”

Peter blinks twice, a little confused, then frowns. “Do you refer to both of us as ‘kid’? I’m not sure I like that.”

Tony rolls his eyes and the elevator dings, letting them out into the science lab. “Just trying to make sure he’s got a way up here.”

“Well, I gave him my keycard, so he should be up in just a few minutes.” Peter supplies helpfully, following him over to the lab tables. “What are we working on today?”

“It’s Friday, so I figured we’d just work on individual projects,” Tony answers, already looking over his own workstation to make sure everything’s in place. “Friday, can I get some mood music?”

“Will do, sir,” she says, and ACDC starts blaring – not too loud, to account for Peter’s super-hearing – and Tony gets to work.

He’s vaguely aware of Harley coming in and settling in next to Peter, but he’s in the zone, tinkering with a new batch of trick arrows for Hawkeye. As long as they don’t bug him too much, he’s fine with them working on whatever project they’re interested in currently- he’s pretty sure Peter has been working on some new web fluid for super-strength villains. It’ll be interesting to see if Harley can figure out how to incorporate new web cannisters that hold up better, he’s sure they’ll come up with something great together—

“OH MY GOD!”

“Dude, what the hell is this?”

“I’M SO SORRY!”

Tony looks up – or tries to, given the thick mass of web fluid strewn over the entire lab _including himself_ – and grits his teeth. “Peter. What just happened.”

“Oh, god, Mr. Stark, it got all over you too!” Peter shrieks, wringing his hands anxiously. “Harley was fiddling with the release mechanism-”

“Hey, don’t blame this on me!”

“-and I guess it was touchier than we realized!”

“You think?” Tony snarls, outraged, still glued to his lab table. “How are you not stuck to anything; this stuff is all over you!”

Peter looks down and laughs sheepishly. He glances at the webbing still attached to his shirt and shoes, and he pulls them off casually, brushing the rest of the webs attached to his pants off. Tony sees Harley staring, and he absolutely does _not_ want to be a part of whatever this is. “My own webbing can’t stick to me. Spiders secrete this special oil, and anyways, that’d be pretty inconvenient, don’t you think?”

“This is inconvenient,” Tony says pointedly.

“So, are you actually part-spider?” Harley interjects, slightly awed- which Tony understands, because there’s a difference between knowing Peter is Spider-Man and listening to him talking casually about his powers, but he does not like that this is happening while he’s trapped and Peter is still shirtless.

“Uh, kind of,” Peter answers, smiling brightly at Harley. “My DNA got mixed, and I picked up quite a few characteristics- I could tell you about it more, if you want?”

“That sounds great. How about over dinner?” Harley says. Tony’s jaw drops – this little brat is not supposed to be this smooth – while Peter seems to short-circuit. “Could you, uh, get me out of the webs first, though?”

“Oh, yeah, of course!” Peter rushes into action and starts pulling the webs off Harley, freeing him quickly. “I know this great restaurant in Queens, I could totally get Happy to give us a ride?”

“Awesome! In the interest of getting out of here without sticking to anything else, do you think you could carry me out of here?” Harley asks, overly innocently.

Tony narrows his eyes while Peter blushes. “I can totally do that!” He picks Harley up in a bridal carry, then walks them out of the lab and straight to the elevator.

“Put on a shirt and shoes!” Tony yells after them, realizing he’s about to be left here for who knows how long.

“Don’t feel obligated,” Harley says sweetly, and Tony glares after them.

“I, uh,” Peter stutters while they step into the elevator, still holding Harley. “I can stop by my room and pick up some clothes?”

“Yes, do that!” Tony shouts. “Also, let me out of this webbing _now_!”

The elevator doors start to close and Peter looks at him panicked while Harley starts laughing maniacally.

“Sucks to suck, Tony-”

“Ah, no, Mr. Stark, the webbing will start dissolving in 3 hours-”

The doors close.

Are- are they serious right now? Tony groans and tries to think if any Avengers are scheduled to come in tonight- but no, he told them all to stay scarce so he could have some quality time with these two betrayers.

And honestly- Harley’s been in New York for one day, and he’s already fully corrupted Peter? Will the injustices never end?

Tony thinks to how happy the two of them seemed, realizing they’ve probably been waiting to meet in person so this could happen for a long while, and decides he’ll be supportive of their weekend together- he’s sure Clint and Scott can find time to commiserate with him about how fast kids grow up, at the very least.

“Friday, can you get me out of this webbing?” Tony asks into the void.

“I’m sorry, sir, but Harley has instructed me to not assist in freeing you, and to tell you ‘Thanks for hooking me up with your mentee, have fun here alone’ if you tried to get free.”

“Seriously?” Tony practically screeches, already getting a cramp from his trapped position. “Did that kid do this on purpose?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.”

That’s it- any goodwill Tony had been feeling towards their relationship is gone, best wishes revoked.

Peter’s the last person left to pay Tony the respect he deserves, and he will not risk losing that to Harley of all people- no matter how much of a soft spot he has for the kid.

(Once he gets free, of course.)

**Author's Note:**

> ayyy peter got a boyfriend (good for him, honestly)
> 
> poor tony tbh rip, kinda deserves it tho for embarrassing peter at school


End file.
